Source: Hunt, Gather Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff
A great resource for how to adapt your parenting style. Tired of the old 'they yell, so I yell back’ routine? Try these helpful 'tools for tantrums.' These tools are for children 2 to 4 years old that fall into ‘neurotypical’ category.
1. Parent with calmness- My oldest child is... strong willed to say it lightly. Perhaps more accurately, he is as stubborn as a mule. When he was around 2 years old if he did not receive exactly what he wanted then he would have kidded, screamed, shouted to gain his way. And of course, as a young parent I either gave into or resisted harshly in response to his unpleasant display depending on my mood. Now I know that yelling back at my kiddos will only cause more yelling from them. Thus, I implement this tool. I rarely if ever yell at my kids. It was a difficult change but well worth it as I am seeing the fruits of resisting my 'fleshly' response to yell back. As parents we must be the voice of reason. If we yell, we are communicating, non-verbally, that it is ok to yell at each other. We're aiming at creating a home culture of love and compassion in the home.
2. Parent with touch or toss- Get physical with your children when they are overwhelmed with emotions. And I don’t mean spanking or being aggressive in an angry manner. Also, Let me reiterate these tools are for young children (4 and younger). Pick your child up and run with them, tickle their little bellies, pretend they are airplanes and fly them around. Often big negative emotions can be shifted into positive emotions. They are children after all.
3. Parent with Awe- The example used in the book is to guide your children to view a beautiful sunset. Now, I know you might be thinking (because I thought the same thing) there is no way my child will look at a sunset while he is throwing a tantrum, especially a tantrum in a grocery store. The heart of this tool is to captivate your children's deeper sense of awe through the world around them. God has made beautiful things all around us that we take for granted and those creations just might be enough to distract your child from the grips of a tantrum.
4. Take the child outside- Sounds easy enough. I’ve personally used this tool a lot and have found it to be quite affective. The application is simple. When they start screaming, simply pick them up and take them outside. What if its 40 degrees outside or colder? Take them outside. What if it’s hot and I have allergies? Take them outside. What if… I’ve heard many excuses for staying inside. But there is something spiritual about being outside near the things that God made beautiful for us to enjoy.
5. Ignore it- No you’re not a heartless parent if you ignore your child’s tantrum. Now there are parameters around this rule that should be mentioned. This is not an immediate go to tool, however if you have utilized the above tools and the child is still going strong ignoring is effective. I can remember my youngest (at the time two) was crying in a grocery store. After utilizing speaking calmly and trying to distract him I moved into ignoring it. I went to the next aisle, listened for his response, and watched him come running. He didn’t perk right back up and instantly have a chipper smile on his face, however this tool was better than yelling, or even running for the door which often is our first instinct.
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