If you read enough books on parenting you begin to see the same or at least similar themes run through them. Today, we’ll dive into a book on parenting written by a psychiatrist and graduate of Harvard Medical School, and co-author pediatric adolescent psychotherapist/PhD: The Whole-Brain Child 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child’s developing mind.
The central theme of this book is one to note, parenting is often a balancing game of chaos and rigidity. Either one can be dangerous if taken to the extreme. If there is too much rigidity in your family your child will likely lack creativity and/or self-confidence or if they are like my oldest child, there will be major pushback in response to that rigid parenting style. A quick anecdote, when my oldest was just beginning to explore his new world, I as his father tended to be too protective and to structured in my parenting. This often led to tantrums or frustration. What I needed to do was back off and allow him the space he needed to explore his external world. This will help him to grow properly and help to develop a solid foundation for his internal world as well. However, some parents tend to give too much ‘space’ or lacking guidance. This lack of guidance represents the chaos that can cause doubt or emotional flooding in our children.
The first strategy: “Instead of command and demand, connect and redirect”
Have you ever experienced a
child coming out of his bedroom for the fourth time that night and explain in a whiny voice that he can’t sleep? This strategy is simple, but not easy to master. Instead of cutting your kiddo off and sharply explaining to him that you are the parent and they are the child before demanding that they go back to bed… try this strategy. Connect with them on an emotional level. Tell them that sometimes you have a hard time sleeping while holding them or rubbing their back. Listen to them, repeat back what they are saying and feeling so that they know you are listening. This will connect with their right brain hemisphere and allow the left brain hemisphere, the part of the brain that holds logic, to access understanding and logical information. After you have connected with them emotionally, then you can explain the logical reasons why sleep is important: gives you more energy tomorrow, helps your body to grow, healthy for our minds and bodies, etc.
Strategy #5: “move it or lose it: moving the body to avoid losing the mind
Children are active beings. Let them be active. Especially, being that most children
ages 5 and up sit in a classroom for upwards of 8 hours per day (sometimes longer). Burning energy is very importance and can help calm big emotions stemming from the right hemisphere of the brain. If they are struggling to complete a task have them run a lap outside or do some form of physical movement. Try it! Just might work.
Strategy #11: Increase the family fun factor: making a point to enjoy each other
Life can be difficult, draining, heavy… Take a break and enjoy being together. This strategy has been something I’ve personally been trying to improve as a parent. One thing I’ve realized through this process, often big negative emotions can turn into big positive emotions. Children feed off parental emotional responses. Don’t follow your children’s emotional responses. Logically, if this were the case you would be dependent on the emotions of a child. This is not good for anyone. Be the parent and the guiding light in the family. Be the emotional leader and a consistent base station for your children. Stay emotionally consistent regardless of your child’s ever changing emotion responses.
Comments